Hello all. My name is Isabel Afnan, and I served as a Marketing Intern this past summer for SWLI. When thinking about what to write about in my blog, I wanted to encapsulate the purpose of SWLI , which is developing leaders from the inside out and how it is intertwined with my own experiences. Given that this is my capstone project, of sorts, my goal for this post is to provide a glimpse into my life but also highlight reasons that SWLI’s mission is vital to all leaders and particularly, those like me—those who are emerging leaders and who are just finding their way in the world.  I hope you enjoy my piece as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Confidence. I have a love-hate relationship with this word. Sometimes it is my greatest strength, and other times, my Achilles heel. Granted, many young women wrestle with their self-confidence. Society is conditioned to believe a twenty-year-old woman should look a certain way and act a certain way. There have been times when it feels like the world’s expectations are suffocating me. While I am still a work in progress, the most essential part of my journey in developing self-confidence has been reminding myself that confidence needs to originate from within. When your view of yourself is dependent on others, it may create high highs, but also the lows can be painfully low. 

SWLI’s model is to develop leaders’ minds, bodies, and spirits. Growing up, my mind, body, and spirit rarely worked in harmony. While my body may have been healthy, I struggled with my faith for a time. When I felt especially close to God, my mind was filled with anxious and depressed thoughts. 

Between the ages of five and eighteen, I spent my time on a soccer field, watching soccer on TV, or telling people how much I loved the sport. For a long time, I even considered playing soccer at the collegiate level. When I would score a goal, I felt euphoric. With a ball at my feet, I felt invincible. The sport instilled me with discipline and healthy habits from a young age. However, whether my body was performing well or not, regardless of whether I had a great game or an awful one, I carried an inexplicably low level of confidence. 

My biggest struggle in harmonizing my body, mind, and spirit has always been my mind. For years, I neglected my anxiety – which only made things worse. It wasn’t until this past summer that I was, yes, confident enough to give myself the grace to ask for help. It has been a few months since I started medication, and it has done wonders for me. Not all days are perfect, but I don’t think a fun and engaging life should be. However, I am easier on myself, and I am finally giving my mind the support it has been crying out for. I do carry a sense of guilt for subjecting myself to that pain for so long, but I am also so proud of myself for finally making the change. Progress is progress, and the beautiful thing about it is that it can take different forms for everyone. 

I was always one to think that confidence was natural. Similar to how people are often described as “natural-born” leaders, I’ve always believed that from the moment we’re born, God has predetermined how confident each of us will be. Confidence can be easily confused with many things. Cockiness, an outgoing personality, and a strong network of friends and peers can make it seem like someone has all the confidence in the world. At least that is what it was like for me. I am outgoing and pretty extroverted, and you could always hear my voice ringing across the soccer field.

However, for more than a decade, I tricked myself and others into believing that I was a truly confident person. I always had a voice in my head screaming what-ifs, worst-case scenarios, and all the small moments of the day that could be overthought.

Confidence is not natural. Or at least it does not have to be. Some people are naturally confident, barely insecure, and do not let the little things get to them. Honestly, that is not who I am – at least not on my own – and that is okay.  I take three pills every morning to help my confidence and my anxiety. My mind, body, and spirit have never been more harmonious. 

I am confident. My mind just needed a little push. I urge you all to ask yourself, “Do I need a push?” Your push does not have to come from medicine. You could need a spiritual push, like a Bible study. You could need a physical push, like picking up running. Whatever your push might be, it is natural and it is okay. We all deserve to be confident. “Self-confidence is a superpower. Once you start believing in yourself, magic starts happening.”